Control: A Hidden Form of Anxiety

Being in control can feel comforting and is often seen as something positive. However, if the need to control things in your life is consuming you, it might be a sign that there’s something deeper going on. Some people who feel this way might hold high expectations for themselves and others or have difficulty coping with change or unpredictable scenarios. This is why it’s common for people who experience anxiety to engage in behaviors that attempt to gain control over their environment or thoughts. In this post, we’ll explore why you might feel the need to control, the problems it creates, and how to practice releasing control.

WHY YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CONTROL

Anxiety often stems from feelings of uncertainty or lack of control over situations. In an attempt to manage these intense feelings, it’s understandable to respond by trying to control things around you. Doing this can provide relief in the moment; however, it can lead to increased anxiety and stress over time. Other reasons that people might feel the need to control can stem from their childhood or even trauma. For example, if someone grew up in a household that lacked consistency or felt unstable, they might find comfort in knowing what to expect and feel the need to control their environment. If you struggle with releasing control when you’re feeling anxious, it can make it difficult to function when things don’t go as planned.

THE ISSUE WITH CONTROL

Attempting to control situations can feel helpful in the moment, but it prevents you from learning how to adapt or cope with change. The reality is that there will always be things out of your control. There is no way we can predict the future, and running through the various outcomes in your head will not prevent them from happening. Although seeking control can make you feel prepared and safe, it bases your well-being on external factors. This is why it’s important to learn how to practice releasing control and trusting your intrinsic skills and abilities. By doing so, you not only reduce your anxiety but also build resilience, allowing you to face uncertainties with confidence. Embracing unpredictability can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of your capacity to handle whatever life throws your way.

HOW TO PRACTICE RELEASING CONTROL

You can start practicing releasing control by identifying the triggers and thoughts that lead to controlling behaviors. Take time to evaluate your thoughts and why you may be thinking that way. Learn which situations increase your anxiety and how you respond. Once you recognize these patterns, start challenging or reframing your thoughts:

• What am I worried will happen? Am I catastrophizing or thinking of the worst-case scenario?

• Are my thoughts rooted in reality?

• Can I focus on the facts and the probability that this will happen?

Next, start recognizing what is in and out of your control. Understand that you cannot control others, acts of nature, the future, etc. At the end of the day, you really only have control over your thoughts and behaviors. Working towards accepting this can help you prioritize what you want to spend time and energy on.

After targeting these areas, it can be helpful to identify and practice strategies that assist you in being present in the moment. If you’re trying to control things in the future or with others, it can prevent you from living in the here and now. Practicing mindfulness strategies like deep breathing, meditation, body scanning, etc., brings awareness to the present moment through your thoughts, feelings, and sensations, with an open and non-judgmental viewpoint.

Lastly, gradually exposing yourself to situations where you can practice releasing control is a helpful strategy that can prepare you for future stressors. For example, if you tend to try and control plans with others, can you try to remove one responsibility that you would usually take on? Over time, you can intentionally seek to challenge yourself by releasing some of your anxiety-driven behaviors.

Trying to control external factors can feel like a productive response to anxiety; however, it can lead to more challenges over time. While releasing controlling behaviors can be hard work, it’s something you can achieve with practice and patience. Doing this can help you build confidence in yourself and the ability to handle whatever may come. Remember, the journey towards releasing control is ongoing, but with each step, you can reclaim a sense of freedom.