The Urge to Fix and the Power of Being a Little Delusional

Hello everyone!

I hope you’re enjoying the fall season. In this month’s newsletter, we’ll explore why we often reach for control when life feels uncertain, how to find the balance between grounded self-awareness and hopeful confidence, and helpful strategies for when you’re feeling stuck in your head.

Wishing you a lovely rest of October!

Warmly,

Mandy

MENTAL HEALTH CHECK-IN
When Things Don’t Go as Planned…Or When You See Someone Struggling and Feel The Urge to Fix It

Why do we feel like this?

The urge to fix can provide a quick sense of control. It’s often an automatic, stress-reducing response—sometimes rooted in a natural desire to help, other times in a deeper need to feel needed or worthy. It can also serve as a way to manage uncomfortable emotions.

The problem with this pattern:

Fixing can feel helpful in the moment, but it keeps you from learning how to adapt. The truth is, there will always be things outside your control. While fixing might feel safe, it bases your well-being on external factors. That’s why it’s important to practice releasing control and trusting both your own and others’ inner strengths.

So how do we practice this?

Start by noticing the triggers and thoughts that fuel these behaviors. Notice which situations raise your anxiety and how you tend to respond.

Instead of rushing to fix the feeling or situation, allow it to be there. Pause. Make space for the discomfort.

Remember: Not everything is your responsibility. Give yourself permission to release what isn’t yours to carry.

READ
The Case For Being A Little Delusional — Therapist Tips in The Good Trade

If you’ve ever found yourself torn between recognizing your strengths and questioning what’s realistic for your experience, wanting to lean into confidence but worrying you might be a little delusional, this article explores that very feeling. I recently shared some thoughts with The Good Trade on this topic, and you can read more below.

MINDFUL MOMENT
For When You’re Stuck in Your Head

This is a visualization exercise that I like to use in sessions that can be helpful when your thoughts are spiraling.

Start by pausing for a moment. Gently close your eyes, or soften your gaze on a point in front of you. Take a few slow, easy breaths in and out. Notice the sound and sensation of your breath as it moves through your body.

Now, imagine yourself standing beside a quiet stream, watching the water flow. Feel the solid ground beneath your feet, hear the gentle sounds of the water, and picture the way the stream moves as it passes by. Leaves of all different shapes, sizes, and colors float past on the surface.

As you stand there, begin to notice your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Each time one arises, imagine placing it on a leaf and letting it drift down the stream. Watch it float away—no need to reach for it, hold it, or push it aside. Just observe.

You don’t have to attach meaning to every thought. You don’t have to believe or follow every thought that comes your way. Simply notice it, recognize when it’s unhelpful, and let it pass.

LISTEN
🎙️ The Science of Getting Out of Your Head

In this episode of 10% Happier with Dan Harris, Dan sits down with Annie Murphy Paul to explore how we can upgrade our minds—not just through our thoughts, but by engaging our bodies, environments, and relationships. Listen here.

Today’s Affirmation

RESOURCES
Books

• The Extended Mind: The Power of Thinking Outside the Brain by Annie Murphy Paul.

• The Confidence Code: A Scientific Guide to finding Trust in Your Decision Making by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman.

If you're in Maryland or DC and looking to discuss therapy options, you can find me at Mindful Therapy Collective.

Disclaimer: This content is for educational and entertainment purposes only and it is not a replacement for individualized therapy.