Acknowledging Your Growth and Healing Journey

Unpacking anxiety, people-pleasing, and perfectionism, with tools to care for your nervous system and build a dopamine menu đź“ťđź’ť

Author

Mandy Heisler
September 19, 2024

Hi everyone!

It’s that time of year when the weather is just right, and the fall vibes are in full swing. I’ve been making a conscious effort to spend more time outside and embrace this season of change. Last week, I had my first pumpkin latte, which, for me, is the unofficial start of fall.

Lately, a conversation topic that has been coming up is not feeling accomplished with goals, especially as we enter the latter half of the year. If this resonates with you, please know you’re not alone. It’s okay if you’re not where you thought you’d be. Take a moment to reflect on the progress you have made, and celebrate the fact that you’re showing up and trying—because that’s meaningful and is still growth.

Rainbow

A beautiful surprise after a bike ride.

Wishing you all a great start to the fall season and a wonderful rest of your week!

All the best,

Mandy

FROM THE GG BLOG
Why People-Pleasers and Perfectionists Often Feel Anxious

If you have people-pleasing or perfectionist tendencies, you may frequently experience anxiety. This often happens because both people-pleasers and perfectionists worry about being seen as inadequate. The fear of criticism or rejection drives them to stick to what feels safe, work harder, and ignore their own needs—all in an effort to prove their worth and keep others happy. Understanding the connection between anxiety, people-pleasing, and perfectionism is crucial to breaking free from these patterns and living a more authentic, fulfilling life.

People-pleasing and perfectionism are often coping mechanisms used to manage underlying anxiety. When you're feeling anxious, you may turn to these behaviors to shield yourself from criticism, rejection, or conflict. However, while they may offer temporary relief, in the long term, they tend to increase anxiety and lead to additional challenges.

MEDIA
Dopamine Menu

Another trend has emerged on social media called the "dopamine menu," popularized by content creator Payton Sartain. She describes it as "a go-to list of activities to turn to throughout the day, so you don’t default to doomscrolling." I’m all for this concept since it encourages slowing down, embracing simple joys, and disconnecting.

Dopamine, the brain’s feel-good hormone, is tied to feelings of reward and motivation. While the idea gained traction in 2020 through Jessica McCabe’s How to ADHD YouTube channel, where it was aimed at people with ADHD, it’s a tool that anyone can benefit from. McCabe organizes the activities into categories like starters, mains, sides, desserts, and specials.

Want to create your own dopamine menu? Personalize it by reflecting on activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment. Here’s a guide to help you get started:

  • Starters: Low-effort, quick activities that give an immediate mood boost (e.g., making coffee, lighting a candle, taking deep breaths).

  • Mains: More involved activities that take time but are deeply rewarding (e.g., cooking a meal, meeting a friend, going for a walk).

  • Sides: Simple activities to enjoy in your downtime (e.g., journaling, reading, listening to a podcast).

  • Specials: Bigger, less frequent events that bring an immense amount of joy (e.g., going on a vacation, getting a massage).

  • Desserts: Fun activities that can be enjoyable in moderation (e.g., scrolling on social media, binge-watching TV, online shopping).

Ready to design your dopamine menu? Start small and notice how these choices make you feel throughout your day.

 

READ
How to Deal When You’re the Only Person in Your Family Who Goes to Therapy

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The road to self-discovery and healing is not an easy one. And family members who aren’t exactly on board with your efforts to live, feel, and be better, can make things that much more difficult.

Rozalynn S. Frazier

Learn more on Wondermind.

LISTEN
🎙 Caring for Your Nervous System

On this episode of “The goop Podcast", host Gwyneth Paltrow and guest Dr. Nicole LePera explore how childhood experiences shape adult life and share coping strategies to support self-regulation Listen here.

And I think a lot of us, most of us adults have this deep rooted belief of unworthiness or unlovability that then drives not only our habits in relationships, but for a lot of us, the way we treat ourselves, the way we show up in service of our own needs.

Nicole LePera

Today’s Affirmation

I am committed to my own growth and healing, both physically and emotionally.

If you're in Maryland or DC and looking to discuss therapy options, you can find me at Mindful Therapy Collective.